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<img src="b2pics/boston.png" alt="Raccoon in hotel" width="700" height="528" />
You are a raccoon and you're on a business trip in [[Boston|boston]] when you suddenly realize you're super hungry. You think for a while and decide there are really only two things that can satisfy your hunger: [[pizza|pizza]] or else [["snacks"|snacks]].
<<display happymeter>><img src="b2pics/hipster.png" width="500" height="573" alt="A hipster tourguide in Boston" />
Boston is a cold, big city filled with seventeenth-century hipsters in OLD-TIMEY HATS giving tours to bored high school kids.
As much as you hate being in Boston, thinking about how much you hate it makes you happy. This probably means that YOU are a hipster!
Anyhooo, having had these thoughts, you're prepared to stop thinking them and [[go back to what you were doing before|hotel2]].
<<set $happy to $happy + 1>>
<<display happymeter>><img src="b2pics/pizza.png" width="600" height="418" alt="Pizza, which you like" />
You use the phone next to your bed to call a pizzeria and you're so so so so glad you did because the pizza is, well, pretty darned cheesy-tasting.
When you finish the pizza you have that feeling where you're sort of stuffed but also sort of not ready to move on to the next thing yet, and a little voice tells you to maybe [[order another pizza|morepizza]], since the first one was so good. On the other hand, it would be pretty fun to turn on your TV and [[watch a bunch of CNN|cnn]], one of your favorite pastimes.
<<set $happy to $happy + 1>>
<<display happymeter>><<audio "hallo" fadeout>><<audio "nega" fadein>><<audio "nega" time 481>><img src="b2pics/bears.png" width="800" height="600" alt="A family of ravenous bears" />
Uh oh! The "snacks" weren't snacks at all but a FAMILY OF RAVENOUS BEARS. Anyway, rather than you eating them, they eat you, and your happiness level plummets, because it feels just AWFUL to be dead.
<<set $happy to -100>>
<<display happymeter>>
<p style="text-align:center;font-size:200%;">**THE END**</p><<audio "hallo" fadeout>><<audio "nega" fadein>><<audio "nega" time 1>>
<img src="b2pics/barf.png" width="750" height="550" alt="Raccoon in hotel" />
Well, that was not the right choice. You use your phone to order another pizza, it arrives, and then, sorry, but you barf.
After barfing, you decide to do what you should have done all along: [[turn on CNN|cnn]].
<<set $happy to $happy - 1>>
<<display happymeter>>
<<audio "hallo" pause>><<audio "nega" fadein>><<audio "nega" time 300>>
<img src="b2pics/cnn.png" width="700" height="534" alt="CNN not broadcasting" />
You turn your hotel TV to channel 16, but then you see a familiar screen telling you that CNN is no longer broadcasting due to the recent alien invasion. Right, you'd forgotten all about that.
The aliens only allow two previously-obscure channels to broadcast these days. Time to decide whether to watch [[Surfmania]] or [[Checkermania]].
Thinking about the alien invasion has bummed you out a bit.
<<set $happy to $happy - 1>>
<<display happymeter>><<audio "hallo" fadein>>
<<audio "nega" fadeout>>
<img src="b2pics/surfing.png" width="800" height="536" alt="You surfing" />
Surfmania is such a great channel! Since aliens aren't good at surfing (despite loving surfing and trying very hard to excel at it) all that Surfmania shows are raccoons excelling at surfing.
And, hey, believe it or not, that's **YOU** on the TV, shredding it up at last year's BOSTON SURF FESTIVAL. (Due to some lasers that the aliens use, the climate has changed a lot in the last little while.)
Anyhoo, watching this [[gives you an idea|kill aliens]].
<<set $happy to $happy + 1>>
<<display happymeter>>
<img src="b2pics/checkers.png" width="700" height="555" alt="An alien playing checkers">
Checkermania is such a bummer. As usual, it's another repeat broadcast of an alien beating a raccoon at checkers. This reminds you of the really sad way that raccoons lost control of the earth: by losing a bet involving a long and complicated checkers tournament to some aliens.
Anyway, seeing this makes you a little depressed. You decide to switch to the other channel, [[Surfmania]].
<<set $happy to $happy - 1>>
<<display happymeter>><img src="b2pics/boston.png" alt="Raccoon in hotel" width="700" height="528" />
So yes, you're a raccoon, and you're in your hotel, which is still in Boston, and you are still confronted with that same dilemma: will you choose to eat some [[pizza|pizza]] or else some [["snacks"|snacks]]?
<<display happymeter>>
<img src="b2pics/victory.png" width="750" height="376" alt="You win!" />
You decide you should get out of bed, check out of the hotel, grab your surfboard, and fight the aliens in space — <strong>**ON YOUR SURFBOARD**</strong>.
<<if $happy lte 1>>You destroy the aliens, and the earth is returned to the raccoons. If you'd been in a better mood, you would have been able to enjoy it. But this was all pure, cheerless vengeance. So you win, but it's sort of like, "Whatever."
<<else>>You destroy the aliens, and the earth is returned to the raccoons. It's great that you did things like eat pizza and not snacks and stuff, because that put you in a good mood, and being in a good mood allowed you to really enjoy every last alien death. You're all like, "Yippie!!"<<audio "hallo" stop>>
<<audio "dede" play>>
<</if>>
<p style="text-align:center;font-size:200%;">**THE END**</p>
<<cacheaudio "hallo" "b2tunes/hallo.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "nega" "b2tunes/nega.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "dede" "b2tunes/dede.mp3">>
<<audio "hallo" fadein time 40 loop>>
<<set $happy to 1>><div id="happymeter"><<if $happy lt 0>><img src="b2pics/happy_dead.png" width="600" height="469" alt="Raccoon is dead" />
You are a dead raccoon.<<elseif $happy is 0>><img src="b2pics/happy_0.png" width="600" height="281" alt="Raccoon is unhappy" />
You are an unhappy raccoon.<<elseif $happy is 1>><img src="b2pics/happy_1.png" width="600" height="440" alt="Raccoon is meh" />
You're a raccoon who is feeling sort of meh to be honest.<<elseif $happy is 2>><img src="b2pics/happy_2.png" width="600" height="409" alt="Raccoon is happy" />
You are officially a happy raccoon.<<elseif $happy is 3>><img src="b2pics/happy_3.png" width="600" height="453" alt="Raccoon is very happy" />
You are an extremely happy raccoon!<</if>></div>